Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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