He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
