Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
