i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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