Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
how does that bad decision feel?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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