those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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