I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
