I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
