quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
cat food counts as protein by the way
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
