I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
