I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
