i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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