dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Can Purell be used as lube?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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