Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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