it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
