I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
