I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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