If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So vagazzling was a success
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
