Cold hands, warm shart.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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