The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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