they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
