I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
