the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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