It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
