If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
