Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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