My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
