i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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