Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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