Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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