i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
