So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
