Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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