i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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