he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
