I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Randomize
