I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
