OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
