God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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