he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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