Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
