I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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