Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She announced her abortion via fbk
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
