Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
