i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He called his prostate his "boner button".
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
