If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
