I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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