Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
