morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
