Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
