Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
